Coming of Age Made Easy, Womanhood Made Richer

by DeAnna L’am


DeAnna L’am

How was the day of your first period? Was it an empowering experience? Or is there a knot at the pit of your stomach when you think about it?

Most of us were not welcomed into womanhood. Our Inner Maiden, the coming-of-age girl we once were, is left inside hanging, often shamed, embarrasses, or afraid.

Rarely are women conscious of their Inner Maiden anymore, yet they vow to create a different experience for their daughters. Armed with good intentions mothers enthusiastically approach their girls only to find them running as fast as they can in the other direction, sighing ”Oh, Mom” and rolling their eyes up. When I ask adolescent girls what they most need from their mothers, the consistent answer is: “Space!” What’s wrong with this picture?

The missing link is found in soothing your Inner Maiden: the girl coming-of-age who lays dormant within each woman. It is her hunger that drives your daughter away, because on some level she senses the neediness inside you.

Our daughters cannot, and should not, be the ones to fulfill this hunger. The cravings of the Inner Maiden can only be appropriately met within the company of other adult women, most of whom share similar hungers. Only after soothing the ache that your own coming-of-age left within you, would you be able to freely approach your daughter, or other adolescent girl in your life, easily and authentically. In my experience, women who come from such inner fullness are met with very receptive girls.

So what is the first step you can take?

The story of Menarche, our first period, is rarely told.

It is interesting to note that women, who tend to share everything with one another (from first sexual encounters to stories of survival and recovery), are silent about this one…

We have come a long way as women…

We became assertive. We broke through ‘glass ceilings.’ We combined careers with motherhood. We decided whether to become mothers or not. We can do it all… but do we enjoy the blueprint of our womanhood: our cycle?

The adolescent girl you once were, who may have never been welcomed into womanhood, is dormant inside you, waiting… You are mostly unaware of her presence, except you may have menstrual cramps, hate your periods, or see them as “nuisance,” “bother,” or “the curse.”

Like Sleeping Beauty, the coming-of-age girl inside you is waiting to be awakened.

But no Prince Charming is coming to wake you out of this sleep… This is an internal job. Your internal job.

Where to begin?

Albert  Einstein once said,

“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.”

Since the problem was created by rendering you invisible and ignoring your needs as a coming-of-age girl, the healing balm lies in being heard and witnessed…

Make time with one (or more) of your close women friends to tell the story of your first period. You will be astounded by the feelings of relief, comfort, and bonding that this simple act brings. In a room full of women there is always a sense of being able to relate to every single story as if it were our own.

In conflicting regions, such as the Middle East, I was moved to tears when Palestinian and Jewish women transcended all religious and political divides by telling their first blood stories. The bond that was created among them far exceeded the rip they felt for years.

Breaking this silence holds the key to your health and strength as a fully integrated woman. It also serves as the first stepping-stone to welcoming your daughter into womanhood…

I have traveled a long way from seeing my period as a nuisance, to reclaiming it as my spiritual wellspring. Sharing the story of my first period, and holding space for women around the world to share theirs, is the essential ingredient in waking the Sleeping Beauty inside each of us.


Share your first period story with a close woman friend in your living room, in a cafe, on a park bench, or anywhere women get together to support one other through conversation. This is one step you can take today to start reclaiming the fullness of your “Woman Being!”

Is your daughter approaching puberty? Is she already there?

In the coming issues of The Wonder of Childhood I will share insights, nuggets, ideas, and inspiration on how to prepare for your daughter’s first period, how to enjoy her at any age, how to foster her sense of self esteem, and how to lay a foundation for lifelong openness between you.

I invite you to explore what you need to know about talking with your daughter with comfort and ease. For those of you who wish for more  visit my website at where you’ll find a free report and much more to explore including my Red Tent Page on FaceBook.


DeAnna L’am B.A, speaker, coach, trainer, is author of Becoming Peers – Mentoring Girls Into Womanhood. Her pioneering work has been transforming girls’ and women’s lives around the world for over 20 years. DeAnna specializes in enriching women’s lives at ANY age, and trains Moms, Grandmas, Step-Moms, Aunts, and all women with a special girl in their life — to become empowering role models for their girls. Her mission is inspiring women and girls to love themselves!

© 2010, DeAnna L’am, Red Moon ~ Cycles of Women’s Wisdom



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