By DeAnna L’am
Deanna L’am
“This is my Moon Flow,” I said to Ellah, who was about 4 at the time, when she saw me changing a pad. I never saw my Mom changing pads, and hence committed to not hiding my natural flow from my daughter. Without my flow, my girl would not have been born… How could this be anything but a source of joy in my ability to give birth? An ability she will one day share!
“All women flow with the moon,” I added, “and you, too, will flow when you become a woman.” Ellah smiled with the promise, and at four years of age this was enough. I didn’t refer to the flow as “blood” until much later, since I didn’t want Ellah to associate it with an “Ouwy.” The purpose with young children, both girls and boys, is to introduce, and talk about, this natural bodily function in the same neutral way as you do when talking about eating. Gradually, as the child matures, it is good to tie the flow to its purpose, which is a woman’s ability to give life.
If you find that you have some charge about your menstruation (such as physical or emotional pain) it is best not to introduce the subject to your child until you work through your difficulty and gain some balance for yourself.
Generally, it is best not to bombard children with information, but to wait for their questions. When Ellah was about seven, she asked me where does the Moon Flow come from? My answer was inspired by the Waldorf educational approach, and I explained that the Moon Flow is “Mom’s Nest.”
“Mommy’s Nest???” she asked in amazement.
“Yes,” I said. “When a Mama bird prepares for a baby bird to be born, she makes a nest. She flies in the forest and collects leaves, feathers, boughs, branches, and bits of fluff, and she weaves a nest for the baby bird to comfortably lie in.”
“Well…” I continued, “it’s the same with me. And with all women! Every month a woman’s body prepares a nest in her tummy, where a baby can grow. Her wise body gathers tissue and blood from inside her, and makes a warm and comfortable nest. Then, if no baby starts to grow, there is no need for the nest. So Mamma’s wise body sends the nest out in a big whoosh. That’s why the flow is red, because it’s made of all the good, nourishing blood that was ready to help the baby grow.”
“Every month,” I shared with my daughter, “I thank my body for being such a miracle, and for knowing how to make a baby grow inside… I also thank it for the wisdom of letting go of the nest, when I don’t need it…” Ellah was fully satisfied. She had a clear picture in her mind, and the Moon Flow made sense to her.
Telling your child a story of this nature doesn’t only encapsulate the physical facts associated with menstruation. It allows you to start instilling the awe, which our bodies deserve for their amazing abilities. Beyond that, you are actively bucking the cultural current of taboo and shame around menstruation. You are raising a girl or a boy who will have a different narrative with which to counter the cultural beliefs when they encounter them.
I invite you to explore what you need to know about talking with your daughter with comfort and ease. For those of you who wish for more, visit my website at www.deannalam.com where you’ll find a free report and many resources to explore, including my Red Tent page on FaceBook.
DeAnna L’am (B.A.) speaker, coach, trainer, is author of Becoming Peers – Mentoring Girls Into Womanhood. Her pioneering work has been transforming women and girls’ lives around the world for over 20 years. DeAnna helps Moms, Grandmas, Step-Moms, Aunts, and all women with a special girl in their life — to become empowering role models for their girls. She specializes in helping women reclaim their cycle as source of inner guidance and spiritual renewal, and trains women to do this work in their communities.
By DeAnna L’am © 2010
DeAnna inspires women all over the world with her interactive page:
Red Tents In Every Neighborhood!
For more articles from DeAnna L’am:
Awaken the Sleeping Beauty Within or How to Prepare for Your Daughter’s Coming of Age
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This is such a lovely story…mother’s nest. I too, do not hide my moon-time from either my 10 year old daughter or my 4 year old son and when they ask, I explain that it is my “Red Magic” time and that the flow is the special cushion that would have cradled a baby if it had chosen to come in to my womb.
My only sad thing is that I suffer from terrible pain each month and this is hard to hide from them. So now my daughter is concerned she will suffer this pain too. I am working with the sacredness of my moon-time to try to ease the pain but it is difficult being a full time mum and the pain is very bad. My only saving grace is that my daughter is surrounded by our many female friends who suffer no pain and are happy to share their experience with her.
Thank you for this most important work you do DeAnna L’am
Blessing xxx
Thanks, Louise,
for sharing the joy and pain of your journey.
I am delighted to hear about the positive and beautiful images your children receive, and sad to know about the pain you experience…
I have worked with many women who have been in severe pain, monthly, who tried both conventional and alternative medicines to no avail.
It is my experience that the emotional component is often the missing link. Journeying to the Maiden you once were, exploring what she did, or likely didn’t, receive when she came of age, and providing a safe environment for her to heal, would typically dissolve symptoms that medication, herbs, or alternative modalities could not dissolve.
I would be glad to speak with you more about this. It is my mission and passion, and I truly believe no woman should suffer menstrual pain, for it is Not a requirement!
With many blessings,
DeAnna
you have suggested a nice method of talking to a girl child but in our indian setup its difficult to discuss about sex at all. at times i am afraid how will i handle my growing babies and answer their queries. one is 11 and younger one is just 6. i want to be a good mom.
Thanks, Rashmi,
for sharing your thoughts and concerns.
You say “I want to be a good Mom” and I believe this is the most important foundation to any and all parenting!
Your love for your children is more important than the words you use or the explanations you give.
Your love can include statements such as: ‘I need to find out more before I can explain this particular matter’. It’s OK for you to take time to research, internally or externally, until you feel comfortable talking about a subject!
Many blessings,
DeAnna